....but then again, too many to mention. I don't understand how people can't have regrets. Does that mean that they would lead their lives in the exact same way if given the opportunity? I certainly wouldn't. I have tonnes of regrets.....whole years of regrets!
Saying unkind or spiteful things to a whole host of people.
Not always being true to what I believe.
Being weak and unassertive when people said or did unkind or spiteful things to me.
Being hungry for my entire 20s and early 30s - I am now an enormous two sizes bigger, and the hell difference does it make?
Edward Bigden. Every frigging year of our relationship (see all of above).
Babies lost.
Not studying more languages when I was younger - it's such an enormous effort of concentration now.
Not respecting my body, but hating it instead.
Not talking to people in lifts. Who knows what I might have learned?
Having regrets is not the same as denying that those experiences made me what I am right here, right now. I just wish I knew then what I know now......I guess that is the real regret! As they say, youth is wasted on the young.
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My three biggest regrets are: leaving the Service, divorcing Jacques, coming back to the UK. But I did them, they happened, I can't change them, I have to live with those decisions no matter how many times they make me cry, full of anguish, full of loss.
ReplyDeleteI think by saying 'I have no regrets' is 'I can't change it, I said it, I did it, I felt it, I wrote it' - I can't go backwards and alter it.
I mourn it, feel remorse. It comes from the old French 'regreter' to weep. And I've cried me a river.
Have really got the urge to be on the move. To travel from place to place with no strings, no commitments, no people asking me to do stuff, no-one expecting anything of me. I suit the on-the-move life-style. To be in one place - you may as well stick a gravestone in the ground and bury me.
I become bored, unsociable and feel like a piece of elastic being stretched and stretched. I get to the point where familiarity breeds contempt and I gotta get out of this place.
I guess it comes from being one of Abraham's children. The urge to travel is in Abraham’s genes. According to Genesis 11, his father, Terah, uprooted the family from the southern Mesopotamian town of Ur and headed north to Haran. He intended to lead the family all the way to Canaan, but when he died in Haran a portion of the family settled there. Abram hears the voice of YHWH speaking to him, telling him that for his own sake he must leave three things: his land, his birthplace and the house of his father.
Interestingly enough, I am not urged to move because I think life will be better - I am not running away from things. It's the challenge of communication, reputation, network, knowledge of a place and how to survive in it--life could be be worse not better. But what a challenge.
I am not a person who says 'but this is the way we have always done it." Perhaps a new perspective will emerge only when I am exposed to a new environment in which old patterns no longer work.
However the reality is I am married to someone who doesn't like to move and for him staying in the same place is security whereas for me it is stagnation - and that is the biggest regret that I did not know this before we married.
No! No regrets
ReplyDeleteNo! I will have no regrets
All the things
That went wrong
For at last I have learned to be strong
No! No regrets
No! I will have no regrets
For the grief doesn't last
It is gone
I've forgotten the past
And the memories I had
I no longer desire
Both the good and the bad
I have flung in a fire
And I feel in my heart
That the seed has been sown
It is something quite new
It's like nothing I've known
No! No regrets
No! I will have no regrets
All the things that went wrong
For at last I have learned to be strong
No! No regrets
No! I will have no regrets
For the seed that is new
It's the love that is growing for you
The last chorus for me should read:
ReplyDeleteNo? No regrets?
No? I have no regrets?
For the seed that is new
Is for me, this song is so untrue
I'll stay with Old Blue Eyes
Now you know. But does it change anything - no. Doesn't change the way you feel about me. Doesn't bring us any closer. Just words.
ReplyDelete