Saturday, 9 January 2010
Friday, 8 January 2010
Life according to Michael
Do I want to be feared or loved? Easy - both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
Heavy heart
The painkillers are fairly useless today, and I am feeling like crap.
I have so many amazing people in my life, which is lucky because I certainly have a vacancy in family.
I am back to thinking of my family as 4. Which is more than some people, I suppose.
Lo siento tan que le lastimo. Perdóneme.
I have so many amazing people in my life, which is lucky because I certainly have a vacancy in family.
I am back to thinking of my family as 4. Which is more than some people, I suppose.
Lo siento tan que le lastimo. Perdóneme.
Tuesday, 5 January 2010
New Year
It was never my intention to use this blog as a public forum. It is an attempt to make some sense of what is going on with me physically. I apologise to those people who seem to believe that I am using it to attack them. I am not going to close the blog because I actually value it as a way of communicating with my friends without boring them shitless about my worries. They can read it when they feel like it, and choose not to if they are having a bad day.
Out of action yesterday and most of today because I have had my wisdom teeth ripped out of my gums.
Out of action yesterday and most of today because I have had my wisdom teeth ripped out of my gums.
Thursday, 31 December 2009
Regrets, I've Had a Few....
....but then again, too many to mention. I don't understand how people can't have regrets. Does that mean that they would lead their lives in the exact same way if given the opportunity? I certainly wouldn't. I have tonnes of regrets.....whole years of regrets!
Saying unkind or spiteful things to a whole host of people.
Not always being true to what I believe.
Being weak and unassertive when people said or did unkind or spiteful things to me.
Being hungry for my entire 20s and early 30s - I am now an enormous two sizes bigger, and the hell difference does it make?
Edward Bigden. Every frigging year of our relationship (see all of above).
Babies lost.
Not studying more languages when I was younger - it's such an enormous effort of concentration now.
Not respecting my body, but hating it instead.
Not talking to people in lifts. Who knows what I might have learned?
Having regrets is not the same as denying that those experiences made me what I am right here, right now. I just wish I knew then what I know now......I guess that is the real regret! As they say, youth is wasted on the young.
Saying unkind or spiteful things to a whole host of people.
Not always being true to what I believe.
Being weak and unassertive when people said or did unkind or spiteful things to me.
Being hungry for my entire 20s and early 30s - I am now an enormous two sizes bigger, and the hell difference does it make?
Edward Bigden. Every frigging year of our relationship (see all of above).
Babies lost.
Not studying more languages when I was younger - it's such an enormous effort of concentration now.
Not respecting my body, but hating it instead.
Not talking to people in lifts. Who knows what I might have learned?
Having regrets is not the same as denying that those experiences made me what I am right here, right now. I just wish I knew then what I know now......I guess that is the real regret! As they say, youth is wasted on the young.
Sunday, 27 December 2009
Christmas, interrupted.
Well, hopefully in the next couple of days we will resume plans to travel to the far North! We actually had an absolutely lovely few days and it was a real joy to see Josh on his birthday for the first time in 15 years. I can't believe my little nephew is 29.
Being at home has meant loads of extra TV viewing which I have relished. Lots of films, the glorious David Tennant in Hamlet, catching up with DVDs.....from the ridiculous (Bruno) to the sublime (In the Loop).
I went to dad's flat today and for the first time since he died felt a real sense of peace there. I was trying to explain the idea of purgatory to my little one (rather a tricky one) when we were watching Hamlet. It is almost like dad has moved to another, more contented place, but is still here at the same time. Maybe he has moved on from purgatory.
A very hopeful link on the family tree with the Schoenlanker branch, with excited emails to and from the States. Lots of very careful work needs to be done - I need Claire or Melissa! My own rather romantic approach is not good enough, I fear.
Anyway, Cranford calls......
Being at home has meant loads of extra TV viewing which I have relished. Lots of films, the glorious David Tennant in Hamlet, catching up with DVDs.....from the ridiculous (Bruno) to the sublime (In the Loop).
I went to dad's flat today and for the first time since he died felt a real sense of peace there. I was trying to explain the idea of purgatory to my little one (rather a tricky one) when we were watching Hamlet. It is almost like dad has moved to another, more contented place, but is still here at the same time. Maybe he has moved on from purgatory.
A very hopeful link on the family tree with the Schoenlanker branch, with excited emails to and from the States. Lots of very careful work needs to be done - I need Claire or Melissa! My own rather romantic approach is not good enough, I fear.
Anyway, Cranford calls......
Wednesday, 23 December 2009
You spin me right round baby right round
In an effort to avoid alcohol and trans-fat overdose, I am thinking about the year almost past/passed. It has been less of a roller-coaster, more of a ride on the tea-cups. But I am going to focus on the great things and try to kid myself I'm a glass-half-full kinda girl.
Dallas
Napa
Meeting Melissa
Latin Fever
Cornwall beach house
Salsa lessons with Hannah
Getting a near-telepathic TA
It's a Wonderful Life in Ipswich - the best production I've seen in years
Riga hotel, spa architecture and synagogue
Teaching Year 6 again
Bar Salsa
Dishy doctors
Spanish lessons with Angel
Watching Molly grow more feisty everyday
Reading ellaminnowpea
Elbow concert
Lille
Snow
Looking forward to Seville and Barcelona!
Dallas
Napa
Meeting Melissa
Latin Fever
Cornwall beach house
Salsa lessons with Hannah
Getting a near-telepathic TA
It's a Wonderful Life in Ipswich - the best production I've seen in years
Riga hotel, spa architecture and synagogue
Teaching Year 6 again
Bar Salsa
Dishy doctors
Spanish lessons with Angel
Watching Molly grow more feisty everyday
Reading ellaminnowpea
Elbow concert
Lille
Snow
Looking forward to Seville and Barcelona!
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