Saturday 31 October 2009
The Meaning of Life
I was told yesterday that I have probable MS. My husband cried when I told him, and to be honest, so did I. I am 43 next week, lost my dad to cancer last year, have an utterly dysfunctional relationship with two of my sisters, and now may have MS. But weirdly I am OK with it all. Maybe I am in denial (oh yes, I know all the stages of grief by heart). What I do know is I am angry. I might have this new label, but I am still ME, not MS. So, fuck off MS. If you come, I will deal with you. Some days you eat the bear, some days the bear eats you. Until the bear eats me I will carry on dancing, laughing, singing, nurturing, loving, arguing, questioning, eating, drinking, contemplating.
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Do you want me to beat this bear up I will you know!!! love you xx
ReplyDeleteDarling Jess, Don't let me be one of those dysfunctional relationships...let's get through it. We misread each other so many times...seems we are both looking for a way to hurt or be hurt. You are right - dont be the MS it is not your identity - you are JESS not MS. You will always be singing, dancing, laughing, nurturing, loving, arguing, questioning, eating, drinking and contemplating. Let's start again Jess. Right from the beginning. It's funny I was thinking about you the other day and the first time I met you in Shepperton - all wild haired and full of life - well now you have tamed your hair but you are still full of life. I am so sorry this has happened, so sorry for the death of your father, so sorry for the anger the pain. You said I am not a spiritual person - no I'm not and I don't want to be - I want to be fully in this world and like you regardless of everything sing and dance and go crazy once in a while. Cant say my favorite drink is tequila but I will drink one to you. So let's get reasonably dysfunctional.
ReplyDeleteThank you, both of you. I am very lucky to have you in my life. xx
ReplyDeleteHey how about that! I said to you does Richard Gere ever pop into your dance class and you said 'some chance'. I hear through the grapevine he may be appearing on SCD! Cha-cha-charrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
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